The Florida/Miami Marlins come clean

Some people are better at carrying lies than others. Politicians, behemoth corporations and celebrities have rehearsed and polished their lies so well, it is often impossible to see through them. The Florida Marlins were able to live a lie for over a decade. Because of subpar attendance, they pretended they weren’t making money and therefore had to field a team on a beer budget. As soon as players were nearing their prime and close to a due date for a much justified pay raise such as Miguel Cabrera, Dan Uggala and Josh Beckett,  they were traded for “prospects”.

Rebuilding was the code word in the inner circle and even though they remained in a perpetual state of “rebuilding”, many of us Marlins fans bought the sales pitch. Fortunately, that lie was exposed by the Miami Herald and MLB early in 2011 when it was revealed that the organization was turning and hoarding one of the largest profits in the sport.

Yesterday, however, the Miami Marlins came clean. They were only able to keep up appearances for less than a year. If they had 12 step groups for conniving, greedy, “we don’t give a shit about our fan base” ownerships, Jeffrey Loria would be leading every meeting. His confession yesterday, unfortunately, was not done in the privacy of a closed meeting. It was announced, without any pretense of fairness or quality control, through every sports and local media outlet. To paraphrase, the ownership’s sharing went something like this –

“Hi, I’m Jeffrey and I am a money hoarding, team dismantling, I just scammed the city and its baseball fan base son of a bitch.”

“Hi Jeffrey”

“This is tough for me to admit but after a decade of pretending, I really need the people of South Florida to know who I really am. Although I am the owner of the Marlins, I really don’t give a bunt single about my team. I wish I could but it’s just not in my nature to care about the right way of running an organization. My concern is the bottom line. I am here to make money and lots of it. I duped the city into building a monstrosity of a stadium that looks more like a combination of the Sunset Place Cinemaplex and the Death Star in order to win fewer games on the field, but profiteer significantly more off it. The scheme has worked to perfection. For the last year I had to don a disguise, the disguise of a CEO who believes in putting out the best product and treating his clients fairly but the outfit was way too suffocating. Halloween is over and with it, off comes the masquerade. It actually feels good to get this off my chest, literally and figuratively. Oh and for those of you who care about trivial things like ethics, winning and the essence of the game of baseball in its pure sense, you are best served cheering for another team.”

“Thanks for sharing Jeffrey. Keep coming back!”


One thought on “The Florida/Miami Marlins come clean

  1. He’d rather make his profit on profit sharing and keep his low payroll than try to build a franchise here that energizes a fan base to go to games regularly. I for one, am done with the Marlins. Now I need to move to a better organization. Where to? Would you like me to get you a Padres hat? I’m in San Diego now.


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